You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
