id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
