I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Two words: nipple clamps
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