i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
