It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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