I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
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