State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
