if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
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