Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
