my phone needs a breathalizer
it glows. i had to have it.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
