I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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