Quick, to the slutcave!
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Randomize
