My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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