i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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