even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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