mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Randomize
