My cat gives me a boner
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Crop dusting thru forever 21
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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