i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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