I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
