but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
