I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
