Midget sex pt 2 tonight
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
