walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
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