I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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