I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
I could have mohawked her pubes.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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