I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I need to sanitize my soul.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
