You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I just gargled with NyQuil
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize