Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
