You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Randomize
