the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Randomize