Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
