wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Randomize
