He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
she looked like the before picture.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
