so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
P.S. I can't hear my feet
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
