i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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