I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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