it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
