I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
