Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Less talking, more tequila
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
