that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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