quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Randomize
