is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
