You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
dude. I can hear the air.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Randomize
