our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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