There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
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