drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
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