I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
