i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize