i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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