This dress was meant to end up on your floor
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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