i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
