remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Randomize
