He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
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