I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Randomize