Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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