Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
