Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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