i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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