i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
