i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
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