whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
