office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Randomize
