I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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