You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
