Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
