Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
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