One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I just googled if crying burns calories
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Randomize