Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
