Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
