i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Randomize
